The I Love! Poem

by Michael Raffaele

Lately I have been noticing this clothing trend in which all of the girls -and some of the boys-
have been proclaiming to the world that they Love Pink! across their chests and butts and all the rest of their pink loving body parts.

And it has occurred to me that the obvious things in life have become trendy.
That being obvious has become witty in a world where the obvious is sometimes hidden
beneath all the technology and global poverty and the politics and all that endless crap.
And that somebody is making a fortune selling statements and facts that we already know.

So I’ve decided that I’m going to cash in my own wit on this seemingly witty trend.

I’ll get myself a tee shirt that says Friends: oh my god I like so love having them.
Another tee shirt will say I love life expectancy!
Another one that says I love marketing it feels so safe it never leaves me.
Another telling everybody I love my wit and it’s way too long for this tee shirt!
I love the troops but not the war!
I love capitalism but not the homeless!
I love Yoko but not the Beatles!

A holiday tee shirt with Rudolph and Santa with the words I love free venison.

I’ll wear tee shirts that confound the understanding and say nothing at all by taking a way too specific stance on anything.

For no reason but feeling cool and different I’ll sport a tee shirt that screams I love liking stuff! because, well, I love liking stuff- I won’t be lying! Bring on the lie detectors!

I’ll have this one tee shirt with a picture of whoever is President at the time-
And on the back it will say I love capitalism’s ambassadors.

Another tee shirt will have a picture of Paul Revere with the caption I love riding stallions through the past.

And the ultimate tee shirt will have an American flag on the front
And on my back it will say I love it when you spank my ass and call me free.

And then when I’m exhausted of making my I Love! tee shirts I will branch into all sorts of other I Love! products just so everybody knows that I love meaning fucking business-

I’ll don wool hats that stake the claim I love steady body temperature!

I’ll get a sleeve of tattoos that is nothing but I love originality written in all sorts of languages as many times as it takes until my arm is completely covered and it looks acceptable and cool and I am certifiably badass.

I’ll have nipple rings carved along their rounded sides with I love- ouch! rebellion hurts!

A personalized pen engraved with I love poems but I never read them

A pair of jeans custom tailored across the butt I love Thailand and child labor.

For kicks I’ll have a two sided dildo that says democrat on one end and republican on the other- and in the middle where a third party places their hand it’ll say I love options.

I’ll have a cowboy hat that says around the brim I love America and if you don’t then getcha gay ass outta here!
-I’m serious, yall.

I’ll hang a peace sign necklace over my collar bone that symbolically claims I love peace!- even though peace is something I’ve never experienced so I have no idea whether I love it or not.

I’ll sit in my window during rainfall and write backwards into the glass for all to read
I love stormy attention.

I’ll leave restaurant tables using my uneaten french fries to spell out
I love tipping with leftovers!

I’ll even have hair clips that say I love to pinch.

Dress shirts that when you lift up the collar at work say I love being appreciated.

Shoes with stitching across the soul that state I love selling mine.
Topped with laces holding tiny lace writing telling the sun above that I love being tied in knots while expected to walk straight.

I’ll roll out my newest roll of toilet paper and write I love preparation! over and over again from beginning to end of every wipeable inch-
And then roll it back up and give myself bathroom pep talks like clockwork digesting what I already know but insist on telling myself because it always makes me feel clean.

I’ll wear boxer briefs with letters stitched across the crotch
I love being metaphorically nuts!

At home I’ll hang a poster of the Google screenshot
And in the search box it will say Top 10 + Things + I Love + ?

-Oh I’ll be so damn modernly witty-
Witty as we’ve all shown we can be-
I will follow everybody’s lead and put it out all there-
With witty tee shirts and witty bumper stickers and witty face book pages now using twitter to express themselves- oh the wit of incestual technology-
With witty poems that use wit itself to try to escape this witty culture of mass wittiness-
Overexposing my own intelligence going crazy inside all the little witty details of my mundane life translating witty craziness into mundane DNA-
Making it all look better by overexposing itself into some kind of narcissistic humor-
Creating excitement and rad looking garbs out of sidetracking hobbies and the laughter inside little details and creativity’s oftentimes half full glass of nonsensical bullshit.

And I’m sure all the Love Pink! patrons would tell me that I’ve taken it way too far-
That they are just having fun and it doesn’t really mean anything-
And perhaps they are right- 
Maybe it’s nothing but myself taking it all too literally-
Maybe I’m too serious-
Maybe English majors need to avoid reading the poetry of fashion-
And just realize that there is no dramatic structure to life other than the drama itself-
Maybe all this writing is just my attempt at being the wittiest bastard of them all-
Maybe I’m simply jealous of all the masses using common wit to make their millions-
Maybe I just need to stop being such a hypocrite and start letting it all go down hill
with the hills that are land sliding down the face of the Earth looking into hell.

And so for that I will get loose and smiley and wear serious tee shirts that say:
I love culture being the sum of what all of us are making together.
I love that life is the disclosure of everything preceding death.
And I love the moon being the period in the sentences of stars.

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